Part II by Six Gawd

There have been nights I've dreamt of hanging myself and woke up smiling

It's never sad until I realize the weight of me is too heavy and the rope always snaps

I'm not sure what's scarier

The time I spend alone

Or

The hours I go without using my voice

The staccato thoughts in my head singing every reason I’ll never be enough

Or

speaking up for myself

I’m strong enough to stand up for everyone but myself, I’m strong enough to stand up for

everyone but myself. I’m strong, I’m enough, I’m standing

I'm trying to figure out what's the bigger victory

Successfully weathering the storm

Or

Never getting wet

I don't let go so easy,

And neither do the things I hold on to

Sometimes I think this keeps me alive

Sometimes I think this is killing me

happy and sad sound different depending on where you've been

I pronounce happy: temporary

And sad: hold on

Or maybe

Happy : hold on

And sad: temporary

Sometimes the heart learns last

Don’t become the monsters you fight

Abuse takes the form of many

It’s neglect, it’s selfishness, it’s not listening

It’s the pulling apart of your insides

I'd rather be single except not really

It’s easier for me to love than be love

I know my love’s limits

the uncertainty of another's love feels like earthquake shudders vibrating my skin from my body

My mother taught me to love selflessly.

taught me lonely

taught me settle

taught me rebuild

Taught me how to shake the ground I stand on

My mother taught me survive, survive, survive

I am my mother’s daughter

She is my shadow

Always there, reminding me of the sun, the light.

And life is like walking past her

After I’ve pissed her off and she's promising she won't hit me

Only the vacuum of anticipation I exist in leaves me chewing rocks

breathlessly waiting on a backhand to the face

Fighting against the weight, the gravity’s pulling at my spine forcing me to shrink

On good days It's a leap of faith

Quick steps through a narrow passage

It’s ducking right before I dive into my room

With nothing more than a bruised ego

Mamma always said there would be days like this

Mamma take these days back

Mamma said fight, there ain’t no time for quitting

My mother taught me survive

I am my mother’s daughter

She is my shadow

Always there, reminding me of the sun, the light

Reminding me of tomorrow