There have been nights I've dreamt of hanging myself and woke up smiling
It's never sad until I realize the weight of me is too heavy and the rope always snaps
I'm not sure what's scarier
The time I spend alone
Or
The hours I go without using my voice
The staccato thoughts in my head singing every reason I’ll never be enough
Or
speaking up for myself
I’m strong enough to stand up for everyone but myself, I’m strong enough to stand up for
everyone but myself. I’m strong, I’m enough, I’m standing
I'm trying to figure out what's the bigger victory
Successfully weathering the storm
Or
Never getting wet
I don't let go so easy,
And neither do the things I hold on to
Sometimes I think this keeps me alive
Sometimes I think this is killing me
happy and sad sound different depending on where you've been
I pronounce happy: temporary
And sad: hold on
Or maybe
Happy : hold on
And sad: temporary
Sometimes the heart learns last
Don’t become the monsters you fight
Abuse takes the form of many
It’s neglect, it’s selfishness, it’s not listening
It’s the pulling apart of your insides
I'd rather be single except not really
It’s easier for me to love than be love
I know my love’s limits
the uncertainty of another's love feels like earthquake shudders vibrating my skin from my body
My mother taught me to love selflessly.
taught me lonely
taught me settle
taught me rebuild
Taught me how to shake the ground I stand on
My mother taught me survive, survive, survive
I am my mother’s daughter
She is my shadow
Always there, reminding me of the sun, the light.
And life is like walking past her
After I’ve pissed her off and she's promising she won't hit me
Only the vacuum of anticipation I exist in leaves me chewing rocks
breathlessly waiting on a backhand to the face
Fighting against the weight, the gravity’s pulling at my spine forcing me to shrink
On good days It's a leap of faith
Quick steps through a narrow passage
It’s ducking right before I dive into my room
With nothing more than a bruised ego
Mamma always said there would be days like this
Mamma take these days back
Mamma said fight, there ain’t no time for quitting
My mother taught me survive
I am my mother’s daughter
She is my shadow
Always there, reminding me of the sun, the light
Reminding me of tomorrow